So you can guess which images came into my mind when I was told I'd have to go on a month long migraine medication detox. I don't look good in a hospital jonnie; too many bits hanging out.
For those of you who have read some of my previous blogs, you'll know that I suffer from chronic daily severe migraines. Yup, a migraine every day. For eight years. I always think the "chronic" bit of the diagnosis is redundant - if it's daily, surely be definition it's chronic? I digress.
I'm going to be trying some new medication but, before I do, I've got to wash all the old stuff out of my system. So nothing to stop the migraines for being at their worst and nothing to relieve them once I get them. Basically migraine apocalypse for 28 days straight.
So for the entirety of August I'm going to be medication free. Plus TV, mobile phone, iPad, computer, cinema, florescent light and anything else that flickers or lights up free. Gulp. They are my triggers so if I'm going to get through this month I can't be near any of them.
Apparently the first week will be hell on earth and I'm likely to be very very ill. Like "foetal position in the dark for seven days straight" ill. The second week should be better but, let's be honest, it couldn't be any worse could it. Could it?! By week's three and four I'm hoping to be able to work from home.
I asked work if they'd fund a trip to the Betty Ford clinic but no go. I'll have to do this the British way - with stiff upper lip, no complaining and a strong cup of tea.
I suspect I'll be surviving on Ritz (like Graham) crackers, Worst Witch books and sewing. But I'll not be able to blog, respond to posts, comments or emails or do anything technological for a few weeks at least. I'll try and load up some posts before I go but I suspect I'll run out before the weeks are over.
Don't forgot me old chums, I'll be back! (A bit of Hollywood glitz before I go is ok, right?!)